Katie MacAlister

Enthralled Prologue

Copyright 2021 Katie MacAlister

THIS AIN’T NO CONSPIRACY, SON forum
Lasers Wearing Sharks Private Messages

From: Ivan Destroyer of Words
You are Mac, yes? The Albanian told me to contact you. He said you interested in searching details about facility near you. What is price?

From: Lasers Wearing Sharks
Yes, I’m Mac. And by price, do you mean in US currency, or decommissioned goods? I’m interested in both, although mostly the latter. Also, you do know it’s “Destroyer of Worlds,” right? Unless you really are a word destroyer, which would be a shame. I like words.

From: Ivan Destroyer of Werldse
Goods maybe I have. I am with The Albanian’s relation group, yes? We are Kazakh. We have many fine goods from Soviets. We want informations about Krebbs Society in your location. We have informations they kidnap vampires, make immortals who consume innocents. They make immortal army and decline global economies.

From: Lasers Wearing Sharks
OK, so “werldse” is even worse than “words.” Also, I don’t see how you could mess it up. I typed up the proper word. All you had to do was copy and paste. This may be the Dark Web, but you should be able to copy and paste.
Re: Soviet goods…do you have anything from the Chernobyl era? Not the stuff that’s going to blow up and kill hundreds of people and make weird five-eyed frogs—did you see the picture of that mutant baby pig?—but the good stuff. The ones that won’t explode. Do you have a catalog I can peruse? It would have to be online, because my roomie Jenna saw the printed one The Albanian sent me three months ago for his big Black Friday pre-sale, and wigged out because she saw the word thermonuclear. LOL. Like that’s the sort of antique to worry anyone these days, right?
And wow on the vampire kidnappers. Why would they want them? They’re already immortal. Don’t get me wrong, I’d like to meet one, but also, aren’t they kind of powerful? How do you kidnap a powerful, immortal vampire?
What kind of immortal army? Zombies? Are we talking zombie apocalypse? I don’t have a regular gun, although I am working on something that makes people really dizzy. But if there’s a zombie apocalypse coming, I might have to look around for something with a bit more zombie oomph.
I thought The Albanian and his group were all for the decline of global economies?

From: Ivan Destroyer of Werds
You are Mac?

From: Lasers Wearing Sharks
We’ve been through this. Yes, I’m Mac. Short for MacKenzie. But everyone calls me Mac.

From: Ivan Destroyer of Werds
You get us informations on Krebbs. We get you goods thermonuclear.

From: Lasers Wearing Sharks
OK, let’s take this point by point.
Words not werds.
1. I don’t want any thermonuclear goods. What do you have from the Chernobyl era? Any lasers? I like lasers. They’re good for the light shows we put on for the tourists, although I prefer fireworks, myself, but there’s brush fires to think of, so Jenna won’t let me use anything that could cause a fire.
2. What sort of information about Krebbs do you want?

From: Ivan Destroyer of Werds
Why you work with tourists? What are tourists looking at? Are they Krebbs tourists? We want to know them.

From: Lasers Wearing Sharks
I don’t think the Krebbs peeps allow tourists. I mean, they have men with guns at their front gate. That’s not the sort of reception you want for tourists, is it?
My bestie Jenna and I run a tour company called Outta This World Tours. We show folks all the alien hotspots around town. We make up really cool spots for them to see reenactments of all the action that took place over the years. You ever hear of the Midnight Walkers? They were from this town.

From: Ivan Destroyer of Werds
We are Kazakh. We don’t care about tourists company seeing pretend aliens. We do not care about Midnight Walker. We want all informations about Krebbs. Who is there? Copies of their identification papers. Photos of persons. Photos of vampire immortals. Badges. Get some badges. We want badges. You get us badges, I will give you special light show for many people. Is very bright. Very dangerous if used close, but very bright, much flash.

From: Lasers Wearing Sharks
Oooh, I like the sound of a special light show. What’s the brand?

From: Ivan Destroyer of Werds
Brand? Is no brand. Is special light show. Arcane Blast. Very special, very dangerous.

From: Lasers Wearing Sharks
I haven’t heard of that, but so long as it won’t cause a brush fire, it sounds like something I could use for the tourist show Jenna and I put on. OK, here’s what I’ll do: I’ll get you some photos of the people going into the Krebbs facility, and try to get some close ups of their badges—thank god Jenna got me a special long distance lens for my birthday—but that’s it. There’s no way I can steal any actual badges.

From: Ivan Destroyer of Werds
Is good deal. You get badges, I get you Arcane Blast for your people show.

From: Lasers Wearing Sharks
No, I said I’d get pictures of badges. Or rather, I’ll try. The telephoto lens is pretty good, but I haven’t tried it out there. I can also write down license plate numbers, but it’s up to you guys to track who the cars belong to. Jenna won’t spring for the money for me to access the really good databases, like the cops have.

From: Ivan Destroyer of Werds
License is good. We can find informations on car licenses. Also badges with names. We can find peoples from names.

From: Lasers Wearing Sharks
This Arcane Blast better be worth it. Jenna is hard core about providing our tourists with what she calls a quality experience. Although to be fair, the effects she’s had me rig up are pretty slick. I’m working on an alien abduction experience now, so if you find any used sensory deprivation tanks, let me know the cost. I think that plus a little bit of hypnosis might make for a very immersive experience.
I mean, I’d rather just use peyote, but Jenna says her insurance agent would come out to the house and throttle her if we drugged tourists. I suppose she has a point.
I’ll go to the Krebbs facility tomorrow and scope out a good photo location. I’ll attach an encrypted file with my address. Please send the Arcane Blast with tracking.
File attached: nS*j%11R.dwe

* * *

From: Lasers Wearing Sharks
Hey, so remember that convo we had a couple of weeks ago? I used that Arcane Blast you sent me. You didn’t tell me it was going to light up a good square mile, and blast a small crater where our animated Midnight Walker Alien Couple Run From Men in Black animation was set up. All that’s left of it is a few broken motor pieces, a handful of pulverized balsa wood, and about a billion miniscule bits of paper scattered in a five mile radius.
Not only that, Jenna and a tourist got too close. The tourist’s fake hair went up in smoke (she’s OK, though, because I got her hair off her before it melted onto her scalp), but Jenna was thrown around, and I had to take her walk in clinic where they said she had a mild concussion.
Jenna’s pissed because now we have to pay for the tourist’s fake hair. Just what was in that Arcane Blast?

From: Ivan Destroyer of Werds
You read directions? Directions say no peoples near blast. Very dangerous. Very bright. You follow directions, no head melt.

From: Lasers Wearing Sharks
It was fake hair, not a head. Jenna would never forgive me if I melted an actual person.
Can you get any more? I’d like to have a couple on hand for next year’s Fourth of July party…

Pin It on Pinterest